No one else can

This morning, impatient and irritated with my husband who could see I was not feeling good and kept getting in my way wanting to hug me/ massage me/ reassure me. He is lovely that way. But inside, in me, it didn't feel right.

It was as if we were acting out a father-child scene where I was the unhappy child and he was the all-knowing all-loving father who could cure me of the unhappiness with the warmth of his hug. Although it came from a loving place in him, it reduced me.

It was like we were acting out this kind of relationship...

found on Pinterest, with no source, apologies to Marinela Reka

Now this is a lovely sentiment for a little girl, but when you get to middle age and this is the kind of relationship you have with your husband, I think you'll agree it's overdue time to reassess. The obvious truth is that, however lovely and caring, if I'm only getting what he thinks I need, I will never get what I actually need.

So the lesson for today was that now, if I need comfort, I am the one responsible for giving it to myself. If I need patience, or strength, or direction, or reassurance that I am doing the right thing, NO ONE ELSE CAN give it to me.

Only I am capable of it.

So only I am responsible for it.