KEY 4: DO THINGS FOR OTHERS

This is a hard one for me - not because I'm a selfish person, but because I actually find it very difficult to think about what I need. Because all the things I can see and do for other people could easily take up all my time and energy, and tend to crowd out the small voice that tells me what I need. The silent voice. 

For example, yesterday I had a free couple of hours when I could have done anything I liked, and some unaccustomed energy to do it with, and what sprang to mind was this list of potentials:

Make insulated blinds for my daughter's bedroom

Visit a convalescent friend to help her declutter

Take up my husband's trousers

Thank the man who is covering my job while I'm off

Accompany my mother to her doctor's appointment

As you can see, none of these is actually using my time and energy to look after me or even have much in the way of fun. Despite the fact that I am off sick to recover from overextending myself. 

So I am about to leave the house to help with the decluttering and give moral support to my friend. I offered without thinking about it. It's as if inside I think that I am nothing if I am not a good friend, I mean literally I have no value.

I must learn better boundaries. I must ..No. 

For my future health and happiness I put boundaries on my own and other people's behaviour to allow myself space to be myself, and to give myself what I need.

How did I learn to have such great boundaries?

Practice every day

Have a whole day every week of saying no

Timetable R&R time for me alone, and stick to it as a priority

Tell friends and family it's doctors' orders